Bless us and splash us.

[unknownfate]

Yeesh.

I caught myself hunched over on the couch this evening, stroking one of my cats like a Bond villain, and glowering straight ahead. If only I had an almost-worthy opponent's body incased in carbonite to glare at, it would've been perfect. It was a rough day.

First of all, the party that has been planned all month was postponed until next week. So I had to scramble to try to contact all the parents to tell them not to send the kids to school with costumes and goodies at the last minute.

Then, I found out that my aide was sick. Noooooo! I was alone with 14 four year olds and 16 three year olds!NONONONONOOOOOOOOOO!! A sub came to help me with the four year olds in the morning, but she had to take off in the afternoon, leaving me alone with 10 lightly shaved chimps in child's clothing, and four sweethearts.

Then, those kids showed up, and I had to scramble again to scrape up some lesson plans. (We were supposed to party! Not do class.) Waste of time. There wasn't an attention span to be seen. Especially after the cupcakes showed up. We had a birthday. The frosting flowed freely. They ran and shrieked and threw things and fought and a wet paper towel fight broke out under the pretense of wiping off a frosting-smudged table. I ended up raising my voice just a tad. (If they weren't selectively deaf to begin with, they probably are now.)

Then, one of the sweethearts burst into a truly spectacular nosebleed that took many tissues to staunch. If you saw her shirt, you might think it looked like someone had tried to cut her throat. As the tissues piled up, I started to worry. How long did I try to stem the flood before I had to leave the other 13 and take her to the nurse??

Then, three of the boys broke the puppet stand and pulled the dowels out to sword fight with. I bellowed at them and they went scrambling to put it together again. I kinda let them have it for that one, and they were banned from the toy section, and they could color or read, but if I caught them using one single other thing as a sword/club/gun prop, so help me, they would be in time out until Easter. By the time they had fled squeaking from my wrath, the nosebleed had stopped. Thank goodness.

I let them watch the old Rankin Bass The Hobbit. They were pretty into it, though one of them was really afraid of Gollum. "He's a scary froggy man!" she snivelled. Yes, honey. Yes, he is. But you can jump over his head and get away easy. See?

Maybe I should try that...

Comments

[slayersyrena.livejournal.com]

o_0;;

HOW do you do it?

[bane-6.livejournal.com]

With yells and bells and Dr. Suess,
cups of industrial grape juice,
muttered prayers and teddy bears,
toys and joys, and lots of noise,
and it helps that I've mastered "The Teacher Voice."

[casinoland.livejournal.com]

prayers and grapejuice huh? Do I detect early rumblings of Peoples Temple of Jonestown? Yeah for poisoned Flavor Aid.

[bane-6.livejournal.com]

It wouldn't work. They can eat anything. Including legos. I think shock collars are my best bet.

[casinoland.livejournal.com]

http://www.radiofence.com/shock-collars-dog-training-collars/

for thought

MAN sounds like

[eternal-chimera.livejournal.com]

I would kill them ALL. :P

You are so much more patient than I...

[proplady.livejournal.com]

Hm. Interesting. Your entry was a detailed description of my own personal hell. (Well, except for the part where Barney the Dinosaur was playing on TV 24 hours a day. At least you didn't have to suffer through THAT.)