Bubbles, Toils, and Troubles

So, there I was, a bottle in each hand, bending over the churning water with steam rising around me, trying to figure out which combination will be good for muscle aches and which will chemical burn the hair and skin from a human body. As a pair of cats wove around my ankles, it occurred to me that all I was missing was a pointy hat and a high-pitched cackle.

Yes, I am still trying to get the ph/chlorine/etc mix in the hot tub right. I've been reading the directions on the various chemicals, but they seem to think I should already know what I'm doing. As vague as the directions are, the warnings are explicit and horrid.

If I get the mix wrong, it can cause lesions and sores, especially on sensitive areas. If it gets in my eyes, I could be blind. If I drink any or soak in it too long, I can get five different kinds of poisoning. I think I'd rather sit in untreated well water to be honest, but it's too late now. Even if I were to drain the tub and start all over, I'd still have to get the water to a level where it could be drained without poisoning the whole yard.

Bubble, toil, and trouble indeed.