(no subject)

Ok. I dreamed I was badass.

I'm really not, ok? I'm the kid who was too meek to remind the bus driver that she didn't let me off at my stop and rode for miles trying to find a way to tell her that wouldn't make her feel bad or go out of her way to take me back. In the dream though, I was really, really BAMFy.

Part of the dream was somebody reading off a list of my former employers like the CIA and Special Forces and all kinds of acronyms that I'm pretty sure don't exist. Apparently if there was a cartel or mob family or whatever that needed to be destroyed from within, they would drop me off a few miles out of town, I would go in, kill everybody, and transfer all the monies to some untraceable account. Then, I would move on, like the wind.

Other things in the dream that I remember:

• When the person I was supposed to be protecting was held hostage, I shot him so that he would no longer be held over me. The hostage taker didn't know what to do then. So I shot him too.



• Some one who knew me was telling the bad guys looking for me to keep a look out for broken knees and gauged out eyes because kicking someone's knee backwards and then taking their eyes out when they buckled was my signature move.



• I had a nail gun. And I threw a lot of knives.



• There might have been werewolves, but I can't be sure because they never transformed.



• I actually got shot in the head and it took out my own eye and I smirked at the sniper's boss and said "I'm going to look so awesome in an eye patch, you don't even know."



• And I DID! I looked AMAZING in an eyepatch!



• I was kinda maybe dating a guy who would neither confirm or deny having been part of the Spetsnaz, but the winged dagger was on his jacket and he had a Russian accent so…
  

Anyway, it was a jumble of all the action movies I've ever seen with a smattering of Human Target and while I didn't wake up actually any more badass than I had ever been, it wasn't a bad way to hit a Monday morning.