CRASH. BANG. METALLIC SCRAPE. Meh.

The axe murderer that shuffles through here is going to have an easy time sneaking up on me no matter how clumsy or undead he (or she) is. No matter what hideous, incongruous noise I hear in the night, in the shower, or leaning wayyyy over the washing machine, I always blame the cats.

Heavy, thumping footsteps? It's the stripey idiot jumping around on his haunches like a kangaroo. I've only actually seen him do it once, but I recognized the sound.

The barely-perceptibible scrape of claws splintering through the door? That's his sister. She objects to doors that are closed, even if she has no interest in the other side.

Long, ominous dragging sounds?

Cabinets opening and closing like a poltergeist has the munchies?

Faint, chilling crunching sounds?

Low, sinister hisses?

Deep, throaty gibbering?

All cats. They make all those noises regularly. So unless the gibbering starts to mention R'lyeh, I'll probably sleep through it.